Many of us have had the delight of experiencing or hearing about the divine rapture of the internet world known as online dating. And I don’t mean hitting on random folks on MySpace to try and get laid – I mean utilizing one of those exquisite dating sites that always claims to have matched up a certain number of loving and successful couples. Yeah, it sounds superb, but what gets left out is the number of fucktards you have to wade through in order to find someone even worth speaking to…if you are that fortunate.

As part of an experiment, I signed up on the famed dating site American Singles. I was truthful about absolutely everything when writing my profile except my relationship status (I hadn't the option to say I was “dating” – I wonder why?). My weight, my photo, my hobbies, and – most importantly – that I was NOT looking for a relationship, sex or cybersex were details all unmistakably listed and sometimes reiterated for good measure. I made it abundantly apparent that I was in no way looking for anything extending beyond the bound of friendship and chat…which was true, but also written to test how much these bachelors were willing to read about their potential dates.

I realize most people do not go to dating sites to make friends, but my experiment was not to land a date. It was to see how well potential dates read others’ profiles. What I found out was this:

About 98 percent of the men who spoke to me clearly did not read my profile, because they immediately would ask what my hobbies were (they were in my profile), if I would be interested in meeting them in person (was in my profile that I was NOT going to meet anyone), if I wanted to cyber (said I did not in my profile) and still spoke to me despite clear incompatibilities between us.

For example, I had it listed in my profile that I am childfree, and yet all the men who messaged me wanted children someday or had their fugly kids there with them in their profile photos. Some other guys who spoke to me said they were looking for attractive, physically fit ladies to date. Unless they have a slightly skewed sense of fitness, I don’t think my 5’ 6”, 190-pound frame could possibly be considered a body in excellent physical condition.

Profiles exist to be read, guys…I will assume you are attention deficit or fucking lazy if you message me saying, “What r ur hobbiez?” because I list them RIGHT THERE in my bio. Try asking, instead, “I see you like to read. What’s your favorite genre?” Even if you don’t like to read, at least make an effort to find out a little more about the person you want to date. If you are looking for a long-term partner, do not skip over this vital information. If you just want a bed-buddy, keep on keepin’ on with your inability to read, since knowing anything about your partner is not necessary when you merely want their body for one or two nights.

Here is my analysis based on my experiences with American Singles: most men can’t be arsed to read their potential dates’ profiles when a lot of stuff that would be essential to know is provided for them, right there, in a convenient, neat little profile, free of charge. And they choose to blatantly ignore it and, rather, will directly ask about things I already took time to compose in writing in great detail.

So, if a man can’t even be bothered to take five minutes to read about what sparks your interest, who is to say that same man would want to listen to you or be concerned with your feelings, should the two of you become an item? As previously stated, this does not apply to men who are simply seeking out hot, sweaty bedcraft…this applies to guys looking for a serious relationship.

Not all men are like this, however. Of all the douchebags I talked to on American Singles, there were three or four awesome guys who actually read my profile and who understood that I was, in fact, not looking for a boyfriend. These guys were a pleasure to speak to and I occasionally will log into the site just to say ‘hello’ to them. It was refreshing to know that not all men are ravenous, heartless sex hounds, but it was depressing to know that the men who were capable of listening are very few and far between.